Sunday, September 28, 2008

It's been awhile

Because I realize how long it's been since I've made an update . . . (for those of you that read this. :) ) . . . I have decided to do two posts at once. The previous post is one I wrote for a little thing called the Paradigm Exchange (www.theparadigmexchange.com), something a good friend of mine started, and has asked me to write for. My story hasn't been posted yet (as of the date of this blog), but I pretty much assume that there will not be that much overlap between the readership of said two sites.

As for me, lots has been happening . . . as some of you will already have known, I have left Abundant Harvest Community Church in Brownfield, TX. This is a good thing. A God thing. They actually sent me off with prayer and a gift card to Guitar Center (the prayer being the obviously more important and meaningful than the card, although it in itself, is very much appreciated {grin}). It was not an easy decision to make, but one in which I believe God was leading me. It's hard to leave behind a place and a people you love to serve. But God is leading all of us from that body into a place of deeper trust, I think . . . and who am I to argue?

So . . . yeah . . . now I am jobless and churchless (so to speak . . . it's not exactly accurate but we'll go with it). Who's having to trust on God?

{raising hand and waving} ooo, ooo, I am! I am!

And is He ever faithful? He is indeed. I lack nothing. My freelance business is not exactly "booming", but I always have enough to get by. I've done several small jobs lately, and several more are on my plate.

Speakin' o' which, if you have any friends/family/neighbors/acquaintances/enemies that need Web sites, videos, audio recording, print design, etc. done. . . have 'em shoot me an email. (kris@filament-productions.com)

Musically speaking, I'm extremely proud and thankful to announce that we've finally finished my 4-song EP. After 3-5 years of some of these songs being concepts/demos . . . we have them in finished, studio-recorded (well, home-studio), production-filled form. It (the EP) sounds pretty much fantastic, and I would love for you (yes, YOU) to hear it. Unfortunately, it does actually cost me to produce CD's, so if you would like a CD in a sleeve, they are $5. Let me know, and I can shoot one your way. {cheese} I'm also selling them digitally on our myspace page (www.myspace.com/xhristosphoreoband  - right underneath the music player) for $.99 per song or $3.96 for the whole EP. Also, just for kicks, you should check out our main site (which really only links to our myspace) - www.xhristosphoreo.com. It's not for the faint of bandwidth, but it looks freakin' cool. And if anyone (hint, hint) wants to have my band come play at their church (or anything else for that matter), we would love to. And by "we", I mean, "at least me, and possibly one other person, but probably not a full band." It's very hard to find musicians that will work for free. {sigh}

Please pardon the previous two (or six, depending on how you look at it) shameless plugs in this blog.

I've also enjoyed playing this summer with the Dallas Stevens Band (www.dallasstevensband.com and www.myspace.com/dallasstevensband). I play keys with them, and have a rockin' good time. We've played quite a bit the past several months and have a few more gigs this year. I will also soon be joining the ranks of another friend's band, called Faces for Radio (www.myspace.com/facesforradiomusic) Self-deprecating title aside, it should be fun.

Let's see . . . what else . . . no girls, unfortunately . . . I'm not sure it's time yet. Of course, I actually have to talk to a girl to see. . . but that's another story.

I have a lunch "interview" with a pastor this week in Lubbock about possibly filling their Worship Leader position. We'll see if that's something God wants to work out or not. I'm not sold on it either way. I'm still trying to figure out where God wants me.

Ummm . . . yeah, that pretty much sums up my life right now. 

Dad, You are good!!
You honor those that trust in You.
Thank You so much for allowing the EP to be done.
I'm so excited and I just can't hide it
I'm about to lose control and I think I like it
I'm so excited and I just can't hide it
And I know I know I know I know I know I want You.
Sorry for the random song quote. . . but it fit.
Please lead me in the way of Your will.
Let me not get caught up in my own.
Thank You for Your leadership.
Thank You for Your provision.
You are so good!
I love You, Dad.
So be it.

(in)Significant

In early August, this year, I was privileged to be able to make a trip to Quito, Ecuador with a group of people from my mom's church. They go down every year to help one of several churches that need construction done on their church buildings. You know, the typical church mission trip that makes people think they've really made a difference, when they only really show up for a week, barely get to know anyone (if at all . . . after all, there is the whole language barrier thing), do the tourist thing for a few days, live in comparative luxury to the people they are "helping", and then return home to their cushy lives in America.

At least, that was my impression of most church "mission trips". I'll admit, it's not a very polite or nice or flattering way of thinking about them, especially when most people who go on them really have the best of intentions. And they had gone, and I hadn't. But, now that I've experienced it, it's really kind of what goes on.

In any case, when it was offered that my way would be payed, I jumped at the opportunity, since those sort of trips are all but completely out of my meager salary's reach.

Side Note: I'm aware that I'm showing a bit of my two-faced nature here . . . obviously holding these trips in disdain for the most part, and yet jumping at the opportunity to go if my way is paid. But hey, it's true. Maybe not good, but true.

Now, at this point I could glowingly expound upon the typical "it changed my life" spiel . . . but I won't, 'cause it didn't.

Well, maybe a bit.

Everyone kept telling me that it would be an eye-opening experience, that it would change my view of the world, to really see poverty that close and all that. And, no doubt, I was constantly amazed at the level of it surrounding us as we traveled, and how the people didn't really seem to mind too terribly much that they were that poor. They actually seemed much happier than most Americans, strangely enough.

But it wasn't like this huge realization came over me in this profound way or a light bulb went off in my head, or any other analogy for enlightenment that you can think of. A couple of former missionaries that came with us made comments at the beginning of the trip asking me if it was "sinking in" yet and such things. It never really did. I just knew I was in another country, and simply accepted it. I didn't feel called to give up my life of luxury in the US and sell everything and move to a third-world country. If anything, I felt that I was supposed to actually enjoy the blessings God has given me here.

The only thing that nagged at me was something I started thinking about on the way home. And that was this: I had been visiting a city of 1.5 million people approximately 2800 miles away from where I lived.

That may not have sunk in with you like it did with me. Of course, my trains of thought can tend to jump the tracks now and again.

Here's how it kind of went:
I was in a city of 1.5 million people.
It's a long ways away from where I live.
It's a small country.
There's lots of other countries in the world.
With lots of cities.
With lots of people.

I am insignificant.


And there it is. I am insignificant. I realized that all the things that I think are important in my life . . . movies, eating out all the time, spending time with my friends, making enough money to do the aforementioned things, writing music, volunteering at my church . . . they mean pretty much nothing, in the grand scheme of things.

There is a whole world of people that live their lives from day to day, not knowing me, not caring about me, completely oblivious to my existence . . . only really thinking about the same basic things I am . . . what it's going to take to get through today and keep on living.

Kind of depressing, no?

But then I remembered the little gem of Psalm 139:13:

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb.

Suddenly, I am significant. For the God of creation, who sees the world as it is now and as it has been, with every person of every nation living throughout all of history . . . personally put me together inside my mom.

So . . . I am significant . . . and yet, insignificant. When I think of this, a profound wave of humility sweeps over me. God thinks me important enough to "knit me together" Himself, and yet he thinks everyone important enough to do the same for them.
Who am I, then, to treat anyone, anywhere as anything less than God's personal favorite? For they, like me, are (in)Significant.

Friday, July 11, 2008

Recording / Something else

So we've been recording a guy named Justin Blake (a friend of Brett's) at our house today. He's finishing up a full record that we did several tracks for about six months ago. It's been really fun and good. He actually brought a grand piano into our living room to record it.

Yeah, that's right.

Of course, he's a professional piano restorer/tuner/mover . . . so he knows how to do such things. The piano he brought in has a gorgeous sound to it. I always forget how it feels to play on a real piano . . . especially one that has great action. This particular one is 100 years old, but looks like it could be almost new. It still has the original ivory keys and everything.

It was a beast to mic up right, but once we got it, it sounds awesome. He wanted me to play on one of the songs, and it was really cool to hear it in the studio monitors. It sounded goooooood.

And Justin and I got to talk for a while too, about my time at IHOP, and the common thread of themes that are popping up all around the world (but especially in America) about a re-revelation of both the holiness of God and his desire/requirement for us to be holy, and the absolute passion and intense love that He has for us.

There seems to be a sub-current of people within the church who look at the "body of Christ" and say "there has to be something more". It's not a judgmental thing. We are no better than anyone else, but merely an opening of eyes to see the truth that is written in God's Word, and actually believing it means what it says.

I don't know. It just seems to me that God's doing something in the church. Maybe He's preparing us for something. Something bigger than your average cookie-cutter, smile-and-nod, feel-good, hell-fire-and-damnation, country-club-ish, snake-bitin', seeker-sensitive, post-modern, relativistic, or whatever brand of church this country breeds that picks one thing out of the Bible and over-emphasizes it and forgets about everything else. (I personally enjoy the country-club church. . . it's nice and comfortable, and you have expensive toys to play with)

Maybe He's preparing us for something big. I mean BIG. Something like an old-time revival. I'm talkin' Book of Acts style. The problem/blessing of those kind of revivals are . . . they don't come without persecution. Or being in the midst of it.

Or maybe it's the latest Christian fad. We do have those, after all. WWJD, anyone?

But I don't think so. I think God is calling all of those of His disciples that want more of Him. That truly desire to be men/women after His heart . . . to seek only for the joy that comes from knowing Christ . . . "to know the love of Christ that passes knowledge", as it were.

Lord, let it be.

Dad, I love You!
You are so good to me.
I don't even have any idea what that means,
but I know it's true.
You are truly good to all.
And You LOVE ME.
I can't even fathom it.
Not dispassionate, sterile, cold, analytical love.
But PASSIONATE, FIERY, ZEALOUS, JEALOUS, AWE-STRIKING, HOT-AS-LAVA, COLD-AS-ICE, BEYOND LIMITATION, INFINITELY POWERFUL, STRONGER THAN DEATH LOVE!!!
Even as I write the words I don't understand.
But I want to.
And I want to love You more,
even if it is infinitely smaller
in comparison to Your love for me.
Dad, let it be! Let it be!
Let it be that I am found only in You!
That who I am is lost and is only found in Christ.
That I become worthy of my name.
Thank You, Dad.
You are so good to me.
I love You!
So Be it.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

4th on Broadway

So I got to help with running sound for one of the tents during Lubbock's annual free "4th on Broadway" celebration. It was fun. Dolf, the drummer for the Dallas Stevens Band, also is a partner in Runway Productions, which does small venue sound reinforcement.

So anyway, he asked me to help him. It was fun. We were on the "eclectic" stage . . . which is the stage that gets the acts that don't fit in any of the other stages (country, rock, tejano, etc). So we had a wide gamut of jazz, experimental acoustic, singer-songwriter, funk, soul/blues, etc. It was pretty cool. We had to be there at about 7AM, and by the time we finally loaded everything into our trailer it was about 5PM . . . then we had to go unload the trailer.

Then, 'cause I didn't feel like going home, and there were still more festivities for the "4th on Broadway" . . . the BIG show down at the park . . . I call up my roommate Justin to go find him at the park. He'd been setting up this show since Monday (He organized the whole thing, too, since he's the production boss guy at Miller Pro Audio), and it was pretty impressive. He let me have a backstage pass and I hung out with him and the Miller Pro crew either at the Front-of-House area or backstage at "Moniter-World" the whole time.

The show was . . . . interesting. The singers and musicians were all very talented . . . but everything seemed to lack any substance. It was all fluff.

Oh well.

So then, after the fireworks show at the very end, they needed to tear down and load out all of the audio and lighting because it needed to be on its way to Austin the net morning. I didn't feel like fighting the masses to leave (there were probably about 8,000 people there) . . . so I decide to help. 

Wow. I had never seen such a mass of power, lighting and audio cables. It was impressive.

It took us about 2 1/2 hours to wind up all the cables. There had to have been 30 or more people working.  Then we had to load up everything in the trucks.

So Justin and I got home around 3AM. It was a long day . . . but fun. 

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Forging our own trail

So Dallas (the frontman and namesake of the Dallas Stevens Band) and I made a fun little trip tonight. We just had one of the most fun (albeit sloppy) sets we've had since I've played with them, and it was really a tiring set.

Then, since we can't get cell phone coverage in the camp, we all decided to take a hike. Apparently, if you go up a certain trail, a little way up you can get spotty cell phone coverage. They neglected to mention that AT&T doesn't really work. So Dallas and I made the trip all the way to the top, thinking maybe, just maybe, we'd be able to get some coverage. 

We were mistaken.

Ah well. It was a nice view. . . the stars were really cool in between all the clouds. . . I could almost forget the burning in my lungs that told me how out-of-shape I am.

Then, we decided to head down, except down the other trail (there were apparently two trails that led up there. 

Yeah. We couldn't find it.

It was dark.

So we made our own trail. It was fun. 

Monday, June 23, 2008

First day of camp

So, leaving IHOP has come and gone, and Curtis is now blissfully married.

So, it's time for camp. I'm in Sacramento, NM this week playing keys in the Dallas Stevens Band as we lead worship.

It's fun . . . but I'm really really really tired.

I've actually been drifting off as I write this. So, yeah, sleepy time.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

It begins . . .

Tonight's the last night with one of the guys in our apartment. Josh is going back to Lousiana tomorrow, and it's really starting to hit me that I'll be home in just a few days.

I didn't really think that it would be that big of a deal, but it's crazy how much I'm really going to miss these guys. For 7 guys to live in a small apartment together for 3 months, you really have two choices, fight or become best friends. Then, add that to "relational wholeness"(crying in front of each other), and you take it up a notch.

So it's going to be hard. I honestly was pretty broken up about it tonight in the prayer room. These guys know me in some ways better than anyone, strangely enough, and I know them in the same way. We've all grown a lot in the last 3 months. We've all grown together.

{sigh} Sentimentality. Poo.

Dad, I love You.
Help me to lean on You when things hurt.
Help me to know You are there when I need You.
Help me to know myself as "Kris whom Jesus loves."
Help me to know I am not really alone.
Thank You, Dad.
I love You.
So be it.

Thursday, June 12, 2008

One week left

Crazy. This time next week I'll be back in Lubbock. 

I can't wait, and/or am very apprehensive about going home. It's strange, really.

I really miss everyone, and can't wait to hang out . . . but I know God has called me to some probably very "radical" life changes that may or may not be very palatable to some people . . . and that will most likely cause some friction . . . . :(

I don't know . . . we'll see.

It's been an interesting week, with a lovely night with Stuart Greeves on Sunday night, which we have come to call "Weekly Conviction with Uncle Stewie", followed by some lovely times of offending my mind with healings on Tuesday, and many interesting conversations about who our "6:01" is . . . a peculiar tradition among Fire in the Night . . . it relates to the time when the track is over when the "dating" rule no longer applies.

So . . . yeah. It's been an interesting week. It will be good to be home. No doubt different, I'm sure, but good.

Dad, I love You.
You've given me a lot to think about lately.
I honestly get very tired of thinking, sometimes
but I know I need to . . . so thank You.
Please help me to work through these things
that You have been talking to me about.
Please help me to dive into Your Word
and into . . . You.
Thank You. I love You.
So be it.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Encouragement / Mandatory "Fun" Day

So last night was really cool. I had the most fun so far playing a set. It was in the JPR, and we had a good team . . . albeit, a lot of subs. We had two acoustics, electric, keyboard, bass and drums. It was a blast. And everyone was really encouraging afterwards . . . it was cool . . . Sometimes I don't like such things, because I don't want to get a big head, but sometimes it's nice to be encouraged.

Then there was today . . . Mandatory "Fun" Day, as my buddy Josiah and I call it. It was actually the "Fire In the Night Outing". . . a required time of "fun" at the park early in the "morning" . . . 3 pm . . . which is usually when we are getting up. The park was pretty and all, and the sky was overcast and there was a cool breeze blowing, which was nice . . . but potato sack races and organized games? C'mon! Bleagh!

All of these memories kept floating to the surface the whole time . . . none of them good ones. I don't think I've ever liked those kind of games. Or organized sports in general. Even when I played soccer as a kid, I never really enjoyed it as much as everyone else. I always played the kid back by the goalie that just had to kick the ball as hard as he could so that all the players would run away down the field after it. We called it "fullback" back then . . . I think it's just "defender" now. Then there was the memory of dad making me join little league when I was a kid, and I didn't want to. I remember the first game, when they tried to get me to go bat, and I just sat in the dugout and cried, because I didn't want to be singled out like that and fail in front of everyone. I didn't mind playing outfield . . . I just didn't want the pressure of being at bat. I quit after that game. . . . actually in the middle of it, I think. 

That whole thing translated itself into an intense distaste for any competitive sports after that, because the only message I've ever received while attempting to play is one of anger or frustration at me because I'm not as good at it as they are. . . so I've, for the most part, avoided such things, and stuck to things I knew I could do. . . music, academics, etc.

Wow . . . fun revelation times . . . just so anyone knows, I'm not asking for pity or encouragement about this whole thing . . . I'm just talking about how something so simple brought up issues that I had completely forgotten about. . . Most people seems to not have the same issues with sports that I do. I have almost never found them encouraging in the slightest though . . . it's all about performance-based affection . . . I probably need to get over this, though . . . . it was strange, though, I reverted to old habits, today, though, in that while a bunch of people with whom I normally can have good conversations with and hang out and whatever, I just wanted to have nothing to do with them when they started playing sports. . . it was weird.

Anyway, enough with the rambling. blah.

Dad, I love You.
I don't really know what I'm supposed to do with all this.
Today made we want to just curl up in a corner
Or run away.
I felt no kinship with anyone.
I don't know.
Help me understand what You're wanting of me
by showing me these parts of me.
Thank You. I love You.
So be it.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008

Pluggin' Along

It's strange, that little desire you have when you know something's almost over(2 weeks and 2 days 'til Lubbock) to just kind of skim along happily and coast. . . instead of actually pressing on 'til the end.

It's quite irritating, really, especially when you see it in yourself. It's one thing when you don't really realize it, but when you get convicted for starting to be lazy in prayer . . . yeah. Not cool.

So. . . while everything is dry right now, while I don't feel anything, while I am absolutely bored (although, it's not God that's boring, I am) . . . I still am trying to plug along . . . hoping that at some point it will feel refreshing, and not like a job.

Bleagh.

Dad, I love You.
Even when I can't feel it,
And everything seems so dull,
I will still follow after You.
Please give me the strength to keep on keepin' on.
I know You are drawing me to Yourself.
Please don't stop,
But, please, come and find me.
I want to be with You where You are.
I love You.
So be it.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

The Foolish things instructing the Wise

Let me tell you about the time SlapBall almost died.


So there was a game. It was glorious, it was filled with joy, and it brought our entire apartment together in the way only a little rubber ball flying around the room could do.


It was called, simply, SlapBall.


It had a single rule: All you gotta do . . . is slap the ball.


And oh, how we would.


There were some problems, though. It tended to be quite a rambunctious game, so noise levels quickly rose, and the ball had a nasty tendency to hit things that it probably didn't need to hit.


But it was so much fun. It was so joyful. You could see the joy evident on every face. Our step was lighter after every game.


So we continued to play, in spite of the possible rule infractions.


Then someone brought up their conviction, asserting that he felt we could no longer play, since he felt it was infringing upon the rules. He asserted that if it was something we were afraid to tell our core leaders about because we didn't want them to tell us we couldn't do it anymore, then it was something we probably should not be doing in the first place.


And, quite literally, all hell broke loose . . . in each of our hearts. While he was simply voicing something we had all considered, whether or not we had squashed it down, the mourning and anger that arose in the room was almost ludicrous. It was, after all, just SlapBall. But, oh, how attached we were to it. How mad we were that something so stupid and fun, something we loved so much, God wanted to take away from us because of a few stupid rules. 


It is similar to the meat-sacrificed-to-idols issue in I Corinthians. There was nothing wrong with the game in and of itself, just that in playing it, we were rebelling against our authorities, and not acting in love, in taking care of the property of others and in possibly disturbing their peace and quiet.


So, after much anger, harsh words, pouting, etc. . . the ball was slashed, then ripped into two pieces, and taped to the wall in memory of the beloved game.


As we were getting ready for bed, and various people were dealing with extreme anger, asking for prayer and such, we came across a startling realization of what was going on: "God uses the foolish things to confound the wise". (I Corinthians 1:27)


Holy cow. We all started laughing, and started to actually deal with everything. We still went through mourning, and a song was even composed: "Requiem for a SlapBall". And we all, while sad at giving up our personal rights, had come to grips with the fact that we should not play it anymore.


But, as I said in the beginning, this is a story of the time Slapball almost died.


You see, we decided to tell one of our core leaders about the game, and about what we had learned. He was astounded at how serious we were about it, and how it had affected us so to quit it.


He then started talking about why we had rules . . . the reason and spirit behind them. That fun is not forbidden or bad, and that as long as we stay within the bounds of love (respect for neighbors, respect for the property, respect for each other) there was really nothing wrong with it.


So, released by our authority (with some general guidelines and suggestions to follow) the genius and joy that is SlapBall was raised from the ashes, and lives again.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

only 3 weeks left

It's crazy . . . I only have 3 weeks left before I make the 10 hour trip back to Lubbock, just in time to make a rapid change in sleep schedules so I can be a part of one of my best friend's wedding, just in time so I can lead worship on Sunday morning, just in time to get ready and leave for a week to a summer camp where I'm playing keys for worship with the DSB, just in time for . . . oh wait, that's right, that's it for a little bit.

And I still have no clue what I'm doing when I get home. I have no idea what God wants me to do.

Fun times.

Ah well. I'm sure I'll figure it out. . . or maybe not. 

Crazy. It's almost over.

Dad, please help me to know
what Your will is for me.
Help me to be a good follower and follow Your lead.
Help me to listen to Your voice.
Thank You for the good, refreshing time
I've been able to have while I'm here.
Help me to hit the ground running.
I love You.
So be it.

Sunday, May 25, 2008

{sigh}

So I'm not doing too good at this blogging every day thing . . . :(

Oh well . . . it's been an intense and tiring week.

And the only wireless network that we can get internet access to in our apartment has been going out lately . . . as in, not giving us enough reception to get on the internet to check email and such. Very frustrating.

I suppose we are not really entitled to it, though, since we're bumming off of the neighbors.

Anyhoo . . . I don't have much to talk about . . . I've been having a bunch of dreams lately . . . crazy weird stuff that seems very prophetic and significant, but I have no clue about what they mean.

So yeah . . . I can't think of anything else.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

"Relational Wholeness" / "Inner Healing"

I know what you're thinking.

No, seriously.

Everyone crying, hugging, blah, blah, blah.



OK, you're right. But it was seriously good. I feel . . . lighter . . . about certain things, about things I've carried around for years and never told anyone about . . . about wounds that I've received from various people that I've never fully let God heal because I wouldn't admit they really hurt.

It's not like it's an "OK, I'm instantly a completely new person" or whatever . . . it's a process . . . but I definitely confronted a lot of things I had just shoved down.

I seriously recommend it to anyone. . . if you ever have a chance to go to one (of course, one from a God-centered perspective. . . the one we went through is called "Foundations", and IHOP subsidiary).

Anyway . . . yeah . . . it was good.

Dad, I love You . . .
thank You that You love me
and want me to be whole
You love me the way I am . . .
You built me the way I am . . .
Help me to give up the things that aren't me . . .
And turn to You for my real identity.
Thank You . . . I love You so much!
So be it.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Fun times in trusting God

OK, so God is hilarious . . .

I had done a freelance web job that was going to pay me a significant amount of money, and I was supposed to get the check on March 31. Since I’m off in KC, my friend from LCU was going to get it and deposit it for me. He was the main contact for the job, and He subcontracted a portion of it to me. Anyways, this check was going to pay for all my expenses at home for April through July, and give me some spending money as well. It was the main reason I felt comfortable coming here, at least finance-wise . . .

Anyhoo . . . because of various stupid little problems it wouldn’t come in . . . It was always stuff that wasn’t really anyone’s fault. You know, honest mistakes and what not. Mail being returned, etc.

So, for the past two months, I’ve been watching the numbers in my bank account slowly go down, getting nervous, praying to God that He’ll get it taken care of, using my savings account money all up, while simultaneously just trying to trust in Him that He’s not going to let me down. I've definitely had some help from the church and from my Mom to stay afloat . . . if God hadn't have worked through them, I would have been much worse off.

So, today, I’m looking at my bank account balance, and I freak out, because it’s negative. Something cleared that I hadn’t expected . . . so I was at -$3.00. Luckily, I had 11 and some change left in my savings and I caught it soon enough that it won’t give me a bank charge (at least I hope not) . . .

But the fun part is . . . after I transfered the money from savings, I decide to see what made it go under . . . it was my monthly donation to a particular charity . . . then I keep looking down the list, and there, at the bottom, is the pending deposit for the check.

So, on the very last possible time it could go in without causing me to go under, on the day that giving money to God is what actually would have driven me under . . . the check finally shows up and gets deposited.

I just had to laugh. God’s probably up there, patting me on the head, saying, "See? I told you to just trust me."

Ah well. Fun times with the Big Guy.

Dad, thank You, thank You, thank You for Your provision
and teaching me that I am NOT in control.
{sigh} I have a hard time with that area.
Please help me to trust You more.
I love You.
So be it.

Monday, May 19, 2008

First movie in two months

It's weird how long I went without watching one.

Back home I probably watched about 5 a week.

huh.

Anyway, we went as a group to go see Prince Caspian. We kind of took over the theatre. It was awesome.

And the movie was awesome, too. It's amazing how every time I watch/read any of the Narnia series I see a new parallel to the story of Christ (or our lives in Him).

They could have done just fine to not put in the stupid romance side-plot, but oh well.

You should go see it, if You haven't already. It's worth it. :)

Dad, 
thank You for stories that lift the heart
and speak of You. 
You rock.
I love You.
So be it.

Sunday, May 18, 2008

Lots of stuff and nothing at all

It's been a busy few days full of not-so-fun revelation but not much else. And our wireless router that we bum off of the neighbors has been iffy at best . . . so it's not been encouraging me to blog.

Anyhoo. . .

The not-so-fun revelations have been as follows:

1) I have an issue with spiritual pride
2) I, if given the opportunity, still desire my old ways . . . I still desire instant gratification instead of waiting and tarrying on the Lord
3) I get offended rather quickly about the ways God chooses to reveal himself to people. It doesn't fit within my "God-box" and so I don't like it.

Bleagh. yuck. I don't like these kind of weeks. I know they are good, but still, bleagh.

Dad, please help me with these areas
Give me the grace to be humble, 
and the desire to choose Your ways,
even when it doesn't seem like "fun",
and please help me to not be offended
when I see how You show Yourself to others.
Help me to love You and see You as You are.
I love You. Help me to love You more.
So be it.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

A Note to all who read

After a phone conversation with a friend today, I feel I must clarify a few things . . . just to 1) alleviate concern and 2) discourage blind acceptance based on my opinion.

I understand that many of the topics I've been talking about over the past few weeks have been a bit out of my realm of experience and scriptural upbringing (and out of some of yours as well, I take it).

Don't think that I am not struggling with some of these things, and just accepting them blindly as just the coolest new idea to come around. I have been wrestling with them, and turning to scripture to provide the proper context for them. And one of the things I really appreciate about the staff here is that they encourage extensive personal Bible study time. . . and every teaching comes almost straight from scripture . . . if not, then greatly supported by a usually long list of scriptural references. One of the other things that reassures me is that everything revolves around a Sermon on the Mount lifestyle. . . a lifestyle of holiness. It is not about any one person, or getting rich (just look at the leader, Mike Bickle, who lives extremely simply, even after 30 years in the same ministry that sometimes brings in a lot of money).

That being said, people can make mistakes or be led astray. I understand this. But beyond anything else I see in Scripture, I see that God loves me. I also believe God lives inside me and gives me increasingly more discernment as I walk with Him, in the person of the Holy Spirit. If I can't trust in that, than I certainly can't trust in the Bible. 

And while everyone screams at me for a second . . .

If the Bible was written under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, through men's hands . . . how different is that than the Holy Spirit that lives inside of me? Simple . . . it isn't. But since I trust in both, than the test is that the Spirit inside of me agrees with Spirit-breathed Scripture.

It is true, though, that man is fallible.

So, my second point. Please, please, please do not change your opinion on anything based on my opinion. I am endeavoring to listen to the Spirit and Scripture in all things . . . but I might fail. In other words, don't believe me simply because you know me and think that if I believe it, it must be true . . .

Hence . . . 

ALWAYS COMPARE WHAT I SAY WITH SCRIPTURE.

If it doesn't agree . . . let what I say fall to the ground. If it does . . . Amen. 

But . . . .

ALWAYS COMPARE WHAT YOU THINK WITH SCRIPTURE

You also are human. You also are fallible. You may be wrong. You may have been taught wrong. You may have mis-interpreted Scripture. There is enough differences of opinion around the earth about just about everything in the Bible that you can say with almost 100% accuracy that everyone has something wrong.

Scripture is the litmus test for all. No doubt.

Scripture is not, however, a way to justify what you already have preconceived in your head.

This is just as much for me as it is for anyone, by the way . . .

What it boils down to for me, though, is that I have to trust God. I have to trust that He loves me. I have to trust that He wants me to understand Him. I have to trust that He sent the Holy Spirit to live inside of me to partially, at least, help me with understanding Him. In simpler terms . . . I have to trust that God is a way better leader than I am a follower. If I am earnestly seeking after Him in the ways I see outlined in Scripture (prayer, Bible Study, fasting, receiving godly wisdom), than He will not leave me or forsake me. That He will lead me. That He will shepherd me.

I have to trust in God. It's the only thing I really have.

I think the Bible calls that faith. I could be wrong, though.

Dad, I earnestly want Your truth.
I want to know You for who You really are.
Help me to know Your Word.
Help me to hear the Spirit.
Help me not to be deceived.
I know You love me, and if I ask for bread,
You won't give me a stone.
So, please, give me
(and all those on this journey with me)
wisdom and understanding.
Thank You, Dad.
I love You.
So be it.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Proper Context

OK, I feel I must put my previous post in it's proper context, so as not to place undue emphasis on things.

1) Works are not the object . . . pursuing God (in Jesus) through faith is the object
2) Pursuit of perfection is the method (sermon on the mount)
3) The result of faith in God as pursued by sermon on the mount lifestyle is shown through works.

Healing

So we've had an incredible focus the last several days on God pouring out healing on His people. . . the IHOP family specifically, but also Christians in general.

It's kind of weird. I had a kind of Psalm 77 moment with God last night. We were focusing all six hours of the Nightwatch on praying for God to pour out healing (usually we do 2 hours of intercession, 2 hours of "worship with the Word", and then 2 more hours of intercession). At the very end of the night, about 5:45 or so, it was getting crazy intense. They asked for people in the room to stand if they needed healing, and I was praying with several other people around someone. . . and nothing was happening.

I started getting furious! God had promised us the power of the Holy Spirit living within us. I've seen documentaries on churches all over the world that have the power to heal people, even raising people from the dead on regular occasions. . . why the crap wasn't He listening to us . . . to me?! Where were his promises . . . did He just not like me?! He'd said that He was a good Father, that He gives good gifts . . . that if His children came to Him and asked Him for bread, He wouldn't give them a stone, or if they asked for fish, He wouldn't give them a snake. He said we just have to ask, and He would give us good gifts! Why isn't He being faithful to His promises?!

So . . . yeah . . . You might think that I'm a horrible person . . . but I actually kind of felt God's pleasure . . . sort of . . . I stepped over the line a bit, and definitely repented . . . but He was pleased that I was fervently pursuing it. . . that I wanted it so bad that I was angry and passionate about not having it. I could almost hear Him saying to me, "Good! That's what I'm looking for! Keep coming after Me! How bad do you want it?"

We seriously should have this . . . it should be Christianity 101. People in our bodies should NOT be living  in pain or illness. We find it so easy to believe that God can fix our souls, but not our bodies. What's wrong here!?

{sigh}

Then tonight . . . {giggle} . . . a young girl from the IHOP family (her parents were previously missionaries to Ecuador and Mexico) gave her testimony of her recent healing. I'll try and give the short version here . . .

For the last several months, she has been living in ridiculous amounts of pain. Her body has basically been eating itself up. It started with Hepatitis C, which she got in Ecuador as a child. Then it got compounded by something else, and her thyroid gave out, last year sometime. From there, everything else started failing, liver, lungs, etc. They had tried everything medically possible, and a bunch of people had prayed over her, to no avail. All the doctors were confused . . . they had no clue why it was happening. 

So then this revival healing meeting started breaking out in Lakeland, Florida last month . . . her parents had thought about going, but they were afraid to get her hopes up once again only for it not to work. Then  someone offered to pay for their way there. So they decided to go. Through a serious of things, they ended up being the last ones allowed in the building (thousands are coming each day - they are meeting in a baseball stadium), and the girl gets carried up to the platform by strangers, because her mom kind of freezes. In any case, the girl gets knocked out by the spirit when the main leader, Todd Bentley, prays over her, and she's out for 20-40 minutes, in which she has a vision where she's in an operating room, and Jesus is over her like an anesthesiologist just telling her to look into His eyes, and angels are working on her organs, repairing her. She wakes up, and she has absolutely no pain. She's perfectly healthy. 

And this is happening every night down there. But this is someone everyone here knows about, and has been praying for. Someone we knew was sick. Someone we can tell is well.

It's crazy. Actually it's not. We're crazy. This is normal Christianity.

My brain is so scrambled on this subject . . . not in a confused way, just trying to figure out what God is trying to tell me about it . . . . I could keep rambling on for hours about it . . . but I won't. :) At least I'll try not to.

Anyway, if You want to see some crazy stuff, check up on the Lakeland Revival and Todd Bentley, and if you want to get messed up, see if you can get ahold of the documentary "Finger of God" by Darren Wilson. A link to the preview for it is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljVKul8das.

Oh, and I'm fairly certain some of you are going to read this and think "Kris has now been brainwashed" or "Kris has gotten all IHOPPY" or "Kris is on crack" or even "Kris is now delving into heresy".

I humbly implore you to look at 3 very important facts from Scripture:  1) Jesus healed EVERYONE He came into contact with (many passages in Luke) . . . 2) If we truly are of and in real belief of Jesus as Saviour, we now have the living breathing Holy Spirit of God (a real part/personality of God) living inside of us . . . 3) Jesus said "you will do greater works than these" (John 14:12) . . . (ok 4) . . . 4) in all of Acts, no disciple ever actually did "greater works than these" . . . so that's still yet to come . . . so we should be able to do everything Jesus did right now.

And here I said I wasn't going to keep going on about this. {sigh}

OK, I'm done. 

Seriously.

Dad, . . . I'm almost shaking right now because I can't contain it.
Your people (me included) are so impotent.
We have a form of godliness but deny it's power.
. . .
OK, I just looked that one up (II Timothy 3:1-9), and that was a smack in the face.
. . .
Anyway, I love You!
Please help me to operate in Your fullness!
Fill me with all that You have for me!
Let Your perfect will be done in my life!
I love You . . . help me love You more!
So be it.

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Feelings of Inadequacy Unite!

So I got to play acoustic tonight from 4am-6am . . . it was a lot of fun, and I did pretty good (at least, I think so). 

Beforehand, though, I was definitely fighting feelings of inadequacy.

I was filling in for probably the best acoustic player I've seen in a long time (no offense to all my friends who play acoustic really well) . . . Cassie Campell. She's basically awesome at everything she does, which includes playing acoustic, playing bass in the best band on campus, playing drums, and leading worship.

Yeah.

Apparently I did pretty good, since they turned me up in the mix (which I rarely hear the guitar in any mix here) and the band said I did good . . . and people tend to not lie here . . . at least not that much . . . The electric player said he reminded me of the good porridge goldilocks found . . . "not too hot and not too cold" as in I had good rhythm and picking skills. . . I wasn't too "lead" oriented or too "rhythm only" oriented. That was encouraging.

So, yeah. I still feel inadequate.

Yeah.

Dad, thanks for humbling experiences :)
Help me not to be too hard on myself.
And be able to take compliments.
And be confident in what abilities You have given me.
Thank You once again to be able to play music to worship You with.
You rock.
No, seriously. You rock.
I love You.
So be it.

Friday, May 9, 2008

Tired

It's been rather strange lately . . . I'll get 8 hours of sleep, but I'm always so tired.

I just don't want to get up.

Blah.

Nothing else really interesting as of right now . . . other than yesterday's trip to Buffalo Wild Wings!!! wooo!!!

Ok, so that's interesting to me . . .

You have no idea how much I've missed my precious boneless wings smothered in Mango Habanero and/or Parmesan Garlic Sauce, and my delightful Potato Wedges all smothered in cheddar cheese, and everything dipped in Ranch Sauce.

Oh the joy. It was sincerely a blessing from God.

It was also interesting how weird it was to be back in crazy, busy, TV-oriented American society. It was seriously crazy how we all noticed that we don't really talk to each other, we just end up looking at all the TVs that are placed every 10 degrees around the room. Oh well.

Dad, please help me not be so tired.
Thank You for B-Dubs and
the wonderful food they make . . .
even if they do have too many TVs.
You rock.
So be it.

Wednesday, May 7, 2008

Runnin' Sound

I got to mix a band tonight (at the JPR, which isn't the one that streams on the internet). It's a lot harder than it looks.

No 1 hour sound check like I'm used to.

It's "get 'em on stage and turn 'em up" . . . "and hope they sound good" . . . "try and fix it if they don't" . . .

Yeah. fun times. I get to do it again tomorrow. For those that know such things (J-mac), it was a Yamaha M3000A. For those that don't . . . it's a big board. It's also old. But it still sounds pretty good. I'm actually still just "in training", but the guy let me mix a good portion of a 2-hour set. It was cool.

So yeah, that was fun. I only have yet to play keys sometime. Hopefully I'll get to.

All right . . . brain not functioning . . . need sleep and food . . .

Dad, thank You for yet again
another opportunity to serve
and use the talents You've given and grown in me.
Help me to use them well.
I love You.
So be it.

Monday, May 5, 2008

3 hours with Stuart Greeves

Only a few of you will recognize his name, but this man blows my mind every time he talks.

He's the Director of the Nightwatch here (12am-6am), and he's got a knowledge of scripture that constantly amazes me.

We typically have "Connection Time" for an hour every Sunday night . . . we had it for three hours tonight. 

Whew.

I'm beat.

As usual, he blew my mind. On several issues. With scriptural backdrop.

1) The importance of a correct end-time view as taught by Jesus and the apostles.
2) How very ridiculous and ungodly self-expression is (specifically related to art and music)
3) As far as weird spiritual manifestations (slayings in the spirit, etc)
a) They are real
b) Everyone reacts differently to the Spirit - it is controllable (the spirit of the prophet is subject to the prophet)
c) Basically it's a bodily response to the Spirit - much like electricity
4) Evil is essentially pride - it is saying my idea of things is better than God's
a) sub note - immorality is the desire to worship the creature rather than the creator

whew.

Dad, help me to sleep. This stuff is boggling my mind.
Help me to be faithful with the revelation that You have been giving me.
Lead me, Lord, and I will follow.
Thank You so much for everything You have lead me through already.
I love You.
So be it.

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Gold Dust

Now I know this will be a weird one for most of you . . .

Gold dust . . .

appearing out of nowhere . . .

on people . . .

It happened to me . . .

I'm not joking.

It's not some sort of trick farce thing. People start praying really hard, and sometimes things happen. Apparently this happens all over the place. No one really knows why, and there's no scripture to support it, but, there's nothing that says God doesn't do stuff like this. Apparently gemstones that no one can identify have been appearing, too, as well as manna. Basically dropping into people's hands and/or bibles.

OK, pause for a moment . . . they were just praying for it again, and the prayed for me, didn't touch my hands, and I had them again. They kind of fade away after a minute.

It's weird, I'm not gonna lie. Cool, but weird.

Incidentally, I got to play acoustic again tonight (4-6am). It was a fun set. I sang yesterday from 2-4pm.

Dad, You do some really strange things.
I suppose they aren't strange to You,
but they are to me.
Help me to see You for who You are,
and not get caught up in fake things,
but also help me to not reject them if they are of You.
I love You.
So be it.

Saturday, May 3, 2008

Ok . . . so . . . yeah

It's been getting incredibly difficult to get these written the last several days, since things keep happening.

By things I mean weird things. 

Two nights ago, we were praying for one of the guys before bed, and another one of them fell down and started laughing straight for about 1 1/2 hours, and couldn't get up, and we couldn't even pick him up.

Then last night, another roommate had a vision, and then a manifestation of a spiritual stronghold/demon of fear, that another roommate basically exorcised with the other two of us praying around him. This also ended with the roommate that manifested it basically frozen (this time in peace as opposed to joy) on his bed.

So these things have kept me busy at night.

Not that they are bad.

Just weird, in my church-ianity perspective.

As I'm kind of discovering . . . these things should probably be normal in walk with Christ. As well as ridiculous healings, crazy faith acts, and raising people from the dead.

You may think I'm joking, or that I'm going crazy. . . but I'm not. Jesus said that we would do "greater things than these". The book of Acts does not record anything greater than what Jesus did. What happened?

I don't know. Food for thought.

Dad, I love you. You are in control.
You are rocking my paradigms right now.
I am most definitely not comfortable
And yet I know that does not mean it's wrong, or not of You.
I see You in these things even though
I don't understand them.
Please pour Your Spirit out on me in full measure.
Let me know more of You.
Let me see You for who You really are.
I love You.
So be it.

Thursday, May 1, 2008

Global Day of Prayer

So everything's kinda cancelled for today, since we're all going to participate in the city-wide gathering for the global day of prayer. 

So it should be interesting. . . the general feeling is that what's going on at the Lakeland revival in Florida may spread to KC today. It may all break loose.

Crazy. Cool.

Yeah.

I'm stoked. I'm ready for it. Bring it on.

Dad, let You kingdom be manifest here today.
Rend the heavens and come down today.
Let signs and wonders be done by Your servants
For the glory of Your name alone.
Thank You, even if You choose not to loose it today.
I Love You.
So be it.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

On-the-spot creativity

Yeah.

I don't have it.

My good friends already know and understand this.

The concept of "the jam" is foreign and difficult to me.

I am all about the slow, careful, methodical creativity.

The one that gets refined over and over and over.

So when I was on the front singing team tonight (at the JPR, which isn't recorded), and was supposed to "antiphonalize" I had nothin'. I have a hard enough time recalling best friends names within 5 seconds upon them greeting me. 

No, seriously, if a friend comes up to me and says, "Hey, Kris" . . . it takes me a few seconds before the verbal name comes. . . so I almost always say "hey, man" in return. It's not 'cause I don't know their name . . . I just have memory-read issues. My eye-to-brain-to-mouth buffer is clogged or something. I also have trouble in normal conversations actually contributing because by the time I figure out something to say, someone else is talking.

So, antiphonalizing is basically four singers singing "random" but related phrases back and forth, and maybe creating a chorus that everyone sings . . . it's usually like biblical phrases and stuff that relate to what the prayer leader is praying about or the scripture passage we're focusing on.

So, yeah . . . Kris is silent during the antiphonalizing phase.

He basically shrugs his shoulders and becomes frustrated.

And apparently starts talking in the third person. {sigh}

Dad, if You want me to be able to do this . . . 
OK, but it just doesn't seem to be the way You made me.
I don't know. I'm not too terribly concerned with it
Ok, so that's not true. . . I'm incredibly self-conscious of it.
Just like when I sit in a group of people and never say anything.
Oh well. We'll see.
I love You.
So be it.

Sunday, April 27, 2008

Familiar Faces

So here is an incomplete list of the people I see (in other faces) on a regular basis. Some of them are people I actually know . . . some are movie/TV stars.

(Their name here (if I know it) / Who I see)
Katie #1 / Mandy Cross (a girl in my youth group when I was in high school)
Sean / Bobby "Harlan" Bowling . . . looks and singing style
Nathan (one of my core leaders) / Cilian Murphy
Summer / Paris Hilton with red hair and and a very sunny disposition.
Sara / Anne Hathaway with Avril Lavigne's vocal style
Cassie / Kim Perry (at LCU at the same time as me, and she also worked at MarCom)
Donna / ET . . . no, seriously it's actually an endearing thing.
a saxophone player / Brett Brock (without the cool hair . . . and slightly nerdier)
Katie #2 / Sara Gillory
Anna / Kristen Kreuk
Dan / Shane Everett

Other Random people I see in people I don't know who they are: Zooey Daschenal, Anna (Dusty's girlfriend), Rachel Weisz, and a ton of white cap guys, except nicer.

So yea. Fun. It's nice to see familiar faces.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Tonight was good / a strange phenomemon

It was nice to play again, I haven't or a few weeks. I played the 4AM to 6AM set, and I got to play with a pro . . . the guy who toured with the Katinas. I also found out he recorded on Crowder's "Sunsets and Sushi" album on the remix of "Deliver Me" and on the 10th anniversary of DC Talk's Jesus Freak on the song "What if I stumble". Yeah, he's good. So it was fun . . . and nerve-racking to keep up with the band, since Stuart was on bass again. Yeah. Humbling. But fun.

And I've been able to talk out some of my issues with some of the people here . . . so it's cool. I'm feelin' a little better about stuff. . . not so discouraged . . . I'm sure that will change in a few days . . . and then again . . . and then again . . . about oh, 60 more times.

Also, I've noticed another strange phenomenon that my brain is doing . . . I'm getting 2 days out of every one.

Let me explain . . .

It feels like my day from waking up 'til the prayer room is one day, and the prayer room 'til sleep feels like another. It's bizarre. I get a new day every time I wake up, and then when I walk into the prayer room at midnight.

Weird, I know.

Oh well.

Dad, thank You for strange sleep schedule coping mechanisms.
and brief moments of being excited about You.
Help me to continue pressing into You.
Thank You for Your faithfulness even when
I don't feel You.
I love You.
So be it.

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Ok, I remembered. . .

2) I have internal anger issues . . . and pride . . . I think the anger is related to pride . . . in that I get really angry when my pride is injured.

3) "Prophet school" was better than I thought it was going to be. Yeah. Exciting stuff. Awkward, but exciting.

Dad, help me to not be in needless anger
against my brothers . . .
You are just trying to teach me humility.
Thank You for correction . . .
please help me to be more like You.
Thank You that You want Yourself
to be known . . . and You use us, sometimes, to do that.
Use me, Dad. For Your glory.
I love You.
So be it.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

3 things I have realized in the last few days

1. I have resented God for asking me to fast. I like food. It's good. I like eating food. It's fun. On the other hand, I don't like being hungry. It's not fun. It's probably the reason I've had trouble fasting . . . because I always grumble at God for making me do it. It's not an enjoyable thing, or a worthwhile thing, like it's supposed to be.

dang it . . . I can't remember the other two things . . . the either weren't important enough for me to remember, or I'm tired.

{sigh} oh well.

Dad, I'm sorry for resenting You for this.
It's supposed to be a joy to do.
A way to commune with You better.
To silence my body and listen to You.
Help me to really see it this way.
Because I know I want to know You better.
Please give me grace to enjoy fasting.
Thank You. I love You.
So be it.

Monday, April 21, 2008

Why do I not have wonder?

There have been several occasions during teachings here where several of the members of my track have been absolutely amazed at some of the stuff we are being taught . . . like, freaking out about it . . . and while when I hear these things, my spirit cries "Yes!" . . . I don't have a "wonder"-ing, fearful to reaction to just about anything. I may get slightly excited about something, but that's about it . . .

I don't know . . . I know that we are supposed to have a "fear of the Lord" and all . . . and that God is so entirely beyond us that it should inspire me with wonder . . . but I seem to simply accept things quietly and try and act on them.

Am I missing something? I don't seem to have a lack of revelation in things, and the Holy Spirit has definitely been dealing with me about things . . . again, I don't know . . . {sigh}

Dad, if I'm missing something, please reveal it to me. . .
I want to know You completely . . .
But I don't want false emotions . . .
but I also don't want to close my emotions off to You.
Please give me more wisdom and revelation, Lord.
Complete what is lacking in my faith.
Thank you . . . I love You.
So be it.

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Seriously!?

I just figured something out . . . 

Monday - 6 hours
Tuesday - 6 hours
Wednesday - 6 hours
Thursday - 10 hours
Friday - 10 hours
Saturday - 10 hours
Sunday - 2 hours
Total = 50 hours

Minus 2-4 hours a week for cleaning/musican duties.

Total = approx 48 hours spent in the prayer room every week
2 Days out of 7 every week

Plus a couple of weeks where we spend another 12 hours . . . That equals out to 27 total days out of 90.

Crazy. Seriously.

I'm not complaining . . . it's just crazy to think that close to a third of the total time I'm here will be in the prayer room.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Meatloaf two days in a row

And it was AWESOME!

It was almost as good as Mom makes.

Dad, thank You for meatloaf
Some people don't like it . . . but I do.
You rock.
So be it.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Start of week 4

So I've been here for three whole weeks now . . . and it's weird. Sometimes it still feels like I got here yesterday, and then sometimes it feels like it's been months since I've been back home. Our days are so jam packed, and kinda split between light-time and dark-time that each day feels like two. . .

So I tried to blog yesterday morning and it evidently didn't work . .  oh well. . . . but as I was writing this one I just figured out that it saves drafts . . . so I posted it anyway.

It's been a good couple of days . . . things revealed, etc. God's really been leading me out of some areas that I had boxed him into, and possibly showing me some things I'm supposed to walk in . . . I'm still making sure on those . . . they are really exciting to think about . . . but we'll see.

So tomorrow starts the 3-day weekly blitz. . . the three days I'm always exhausted at the end because we have almost no break. Ah well. It will be all good.

Dad, please grant me
the grace to endure long days . . .
even if they are about You
sometimes I just get tired of it
so help me to push in and focus on You.
i love You.
So be it.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Something serious and something not so. . .

So God's been really dealing with me today on some things . . . not sin issues, but belief issues and stubbornness. It's good . . . but He's forcing me to re-look at some things . . . challenging some of my pre-conceptions that were based on an immature look at scripture. . . yeah. So that's interesting.

I was also REALLY distracted today. I couldn't keep my concentration on hardly anything in the prayer room. This is really the first time I've done a full day water fast . . . and I'm a pansy, apparently. I couldn't think of anything other than the glorious Cheeze-Its I'm enjoying right now. It was slightly frustrating.


Tuesday, April 15, 2008

A good couple of days

So it's been a good couple of days.

Yesterday was a great Sabbath (actually resting and enjoying it), which ended with a question/answer time with Stuart Greeves (the director of the Nightwatch (12am-6am time at IHOP)). Something came out of that question/answer time that kind of cleared the muddle that I've been swimming in since I got here. . . it's still stewing in me . . . but it's a word that is starting to change the way I think about things, both here and at home.

Yeah. More on that later, I'm sure . . . as I said, it's still stewing.

Then today was just good. There was an all-approved-musician meeting where Mike spoke to us about lots of crazy stuff that I can't relate here.

And tonight's set (I played from 2am-4am) was awesome. At least it was awesome on stage. . . I couldn't really tell what the response from the people in the prayer room was. Anyway, we got back into the debriefing room and it was just silent. No one could think of anything to say. But we couldn't make ourselves get up or break the silence. It was crazy.

Dad, thank You for clarity and wisdom and understanding
. . . at least what You've given me so far . . . :)
Please give me more . . .
. . . help me understand more about You every day.
Give me the grace to keep searching after You
and the wisdom to understand what You show me.
I love You. Help me to love You more
and understand Your love for me.
Help me to put You above all of my other dreams and desires.
Above all, help me to really know Christ, and Him crucified.
I love You.
So be it.

Monday, April 14, 2008

Fun Times at a big house

So we just got back from the home of one of the guys in my apartment. . . his family lives nearby. His family of 12 brothers and sisters. Soon to be 13. His family with a large house.

It was fun.

I'm amazed the youngest kids were able to sleep with us making as much noise as we were.

Apparently, this is a weekly event, so yea! 

Oh yeah, we ate at Chipotle's, which was also awesome. Yea for monster-sized burritos.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Nothing to say . . .

It's been a somewhat uneventful day . . . sort of.

Stuff happened. It was cool.

Oh yeah, it snowed, and was really cold.

Nothing terribly exciting, though.

Yeah. Brain not working.

It's sleepy time.

Friday, April 11, 2008

So that was fun . . .

So Stuart Greeves(director of the Nightwatch and Fire-In-The-Night) is a hoss on bass . . . he got "the funk", if you know what I'm sayin' . . . which makes it difficult for very non-funky me trying to figure out what the progression is . . . :)

But it was actually really good. I was a little more comfortable tonight, so that helped, and I wasn't a complete stranger to everyone in the group, which also helped.

Anyway, it was good. So . . . yeah. We'll see when I get to play next. I was just filling in the past two nights. So . . . yeah . . . i don't really have a lot to say.

I'm tired . . . I haven't really slept well the last two nights . . . it's probably the 6:30am-right-before-bed-time-Cheez-It-and-Oreos-and-milk-time snack, giving me lovely acid reflux. Yea!

So . . . yeah . . .

OK,  bye.

Dad, thank You for Your love for me
and for Your grace in letting me have
gifts and talents that I enjoy using.
Thank You for Oreos and Cheez-its.
I really like them.
Even when I eat too many and they give me acid reflux.
I suppose I should thank you for acid reflux, too . . . since
that's probably supposed to let me know that I shouldn't
eat that late at night/morning.
Oh well. You rock. You're cool.
Yeah. I'm tired. I love You.
So be it.

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Ready. FIRE! Aim.

So I got to play acoustic tonight during the 12am-2am set . . . which was fun and all.

It was like learning to play with Pastor Chris all over again. :)

 . . . as in having to figure out the style of a particular person's keyboarding, all while having to figure out in a few minutes where to plug in my acoustic rig, work the Aviom system and transpose every song on the fly . . . oh yeah, and learn 5 new songs in one set. :)

So that was fun, and I get to do it tomorrow at 4am. Yea! Hopefully I won't be as nervous this time.

Dad, thank you for the opportunity to serve
in a way that I love. It definitely helps with the monotony. :)
Dad, I love You. Help me to honor You with my praise
and to catch more of a glimpse of You in the process.
Thanks, Dad.
So be it.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Crazy Death-Metal-Indian-Techno Worship

OK . . . so if you have access to the IHOP prayer room video feed . . . you HAVE to watch this.

Misty Edward's team did this absolutely ridiculously amazing bit that absolutely rocked out the place.

I was astonished.

I was astounded.

It was a crazy mix of techno/hardcore/metal/indian. And it was awesome. I could feel lots of people rolling over in their graves, though. This would never EVER happen in most churches.

It was at the 10pm set on April 8. Scroll ahead to about 1:07 on the video. It's amazing.

I had a strange vision in the middle of it (it lasts about 30 minutes) of Jesus head-banging to it. I hope that's not sacrilegious.

Tuesday, April 8, 2008

Sick day

So I guess God wanted to me to have a full Sabbath day . . .

I woke up this morning, did my audition . . . (guitar and piano went well, I think, but since I was sick, vocals were no-so-beuno) . . . and then promptly went back to sleep for another 4 hours or so . . . woke up, and still felt horrible . . . so I "called in sick" to my prayer room time, and went to bed again. . . for another 4-5 hours or so.

I had to get up, though, even though I didn't go to the prayer room, so I don't mess my sleep schedule body clock thing up. Yeah. 

So basically, I've been either asleep or alone today . . . which has been kinda nice.

Dad, thank You for forcing rest on me sometimes
Especially since I forget to actually use the Sabbaths
to really rest.
Anyway, thank You.
I love You.
So be it.