The Foolish things instructing the Wise

Let me tell you about the time SlapBall almost died.

So there was a game. It was glorious, it was filled with joy, and it brought our entire apartment together in the way only a little rubber ball flying around the room could do.

It was called, simply, SlapBall.

It had a single rule: All you gotta do . . . is slap the ball.

And oh, how we would.

There were some problems, though. It tended to be quite a rambunctious game, so noise levels quickly rose, and the ball had a nasty tendency to hit things that it probably didn't need to hit.

But it was so much fun. It was so joyful. You could see the joy evident on every face. Our step was lighter after every game.

So we continued to play, in spite of the possible rule infractions.

Then someone brought up their conviction, asserting that he felt we could no longer play, since he felt it was infringing upon the rules. He asserted that if it was something we were afraid to tell our core leaders about because we didn't want them to tell us we couldn't do it anymore, then it was something we probably should not be doing in the first place.

And, quite literally, all hell broke loose . . . in each of our hearts. While he was simply voicing something we had all considered, whether or not we had squashed it down, the mourning and anger that arose in the room was almost ludicrous. It was, after all, just SlapBall. But, oh, how attached we were to it. How mad we were that something so stupid and fun, something we loved so much, God wanted to take away from us because of a few stupid rules. 

It is similar to the meat-sacrificed-to-idols issue in I Corinthians. There was nothing wrong with the game in and of itself, just that in playing it, we were rebelling against our authorities, and not acting in love, in taking care of the property of others and in possibly disturbing their peace and quiet.

So, after much anger, harsh words, pouting, etc. . . the ball was slashed, then ripped into two pieces, and taped to the wall in memory of the beloved game.

As we were getting ready for bed, and various people were dealing with extreme anger, asking for prayer and such, we came across a startling realization of what was going on: "God uses the foolish things to confound the wise". (I Corinthians 1:27)

Holy cow. We all started laughing, and started to actually deal with everything. We still went through mourning, and a song was even composed: "Requiem for a SlapBall". And we all, while sad at giving up our personal rights, had come to grips with the fact that we should not play it anymore.

But, as I said in the beginning, this is a story of the time Slapball almost died.

You see, we decided to tell one of our core leaders about the game, and about what we had learned. He was astounded at how serious we were about it, and how it had affected us so to quit it.

He then started talking about why we had rules . . . the reason and spirit behind them. That fun is not forbidden or bad, and that as long as we stay within the bounds of love (respect for neighbors, respect for the property, respect for each other) there was really nothing wrong with it.

So, released by our authority (with some general guidelines and suggestions to follow) the genius and joy that is SlapBall was raised from the ashes, and lives again.

only 3 weeks left

It's crazy . . . I only have 3 weeks left before I make the 10 hour trip back to Lubbock, just in time to make a rapid change in sleep schedules so I can be a part of one of my best friend's wedding, just in time so I can lead worship on Sunday morning, just in time to get ready and leave for a week to a summer camp where I'm playing keys for worship with the DSB, just in time for . . . oh wait, that's right, that's it for a little bit.

And I still have no clue what I'm doing when I get home. I have no idea what God wants me to do.

Fun times.

Ah well. I'm sure I'll figure it out. . . or maybe not. 

Crazy. It's almost over.

Dad, please help me to know

what Your will is for me.

Help me to be a good follower and follow Your lead.

Help me to listen to Your voice.

Thank You for the good, refreshing time

I've been able to have while I'm here.

Help me to hit the ground running.

I love You.

So be it.

{sigh}

So I'm not doing too good at this blogging every day thing . . . :(

Oh well . . . it's been an intense and tiring week.

And the only wireless network that we can get internet access to in our apartment has been going out lately . . . as in, not giving us enough reception to get on the internet to check email and such. Very frustrating.

I suppose we are not really entitled to it, though, since we're bumming off of the neighbors.

Anyhoo . . . I don't have much to talk about . . . I've been having a bunch of dreams lately . . . crazy weird stuff that seems very prophetic and significant, but I have no clue about what they mean.

So yeah . . . I can't think of anything else.

"Relational Wholeness" / "Inner Healing"

I know what you're thinking.

No, seriously.

Everyone crying, hugging, blah, blah, blah.

OK, you're right. But it was seriously good. I feel . . . lighter . . . about certain things, about things I've carried around for years and never told anyone about . . . about wounds that I've received from various people that I've never fully let God heal because I wouldn't admit they really hurt.

It's not like it's an "OK, I'm instantly a completely new person" or whatever . . . it's a process . . . but I definitely confronted a lot of things I had just shoved down.

I seriously recommend it to anyone. . . if you ever have a chance to go to one (of course, one from a God-centered perspective. . . the one we went through is called "Foundations", and IHOP subsidiary).

Anyway . . . yeah . . . it was good.

Dad, I love You . . .

thank You that You love me

and want me to be whole

You love me the way I am . . .

You built me the way I am . . .

Help me to give up the things that aren't me . . .

And turn to You for my real identity.

Thank You . . . I love You so much!

So be it.

Fun times in trusting God

OK, so God is hilarious . . .

I had done a freelance web job that was going to pay me a significant amount of money, and I was supposed to get the check on March 31. Since I’m off in KC, my friend from LCU was going to get it and deposit it for me. He was the main contact for the job, and He subcontracted a portion of it to me. Anyways, this check was going to pay for all my expenses at home for April through July, and give me some spending money as well. It was the main reason I felt comfortable coming here, at least finance-wise . . .

Anyhoo . . . because of various stupid little problems it wouldn’t come in . . . It was always stuff that wasn’t really anyone’s fault. You know, honest mistakes and what not. Mail being returned, etc.

So, for the past two months, I’ve been watching the numbers in my bank account slowly go down, getting nervous, praying to God that He’ll get it taken care of, using my savings account money all up, while simultaneously just trying to trust in Him that He’s not going to let me down. I've definitely had some help from the church and from my Mom to stay afloat . . . if God hadn't have worked through them, I would have been much worse off.

So, today, I’m looking at my bank account balance, and I freak out, because it’s negative. Something cleared that I hadn’t expected . . . so I was at -$3.00. Luckily, I had 11 and some change left in my savings and I caught it soon enough that it won’t give me a bank charge (at least I hope not) . . .

But the fun part is . . . after I transfered the money from savings, I decide to see what made it go under . . . it was my monthly donation to a particular charity . . . then I keep looking down the list, and there, at the bottom, is the pending deposit for the check.

So, on the very last possible time it could go in without causing me to go under, on the day that giving money to God is what actually would have driven me under . . . the check finally shows up and gets deposited.

I just had to laugh. God’s probably up there, patting me on the head, saying, "See? I told you to just trust me."

Ah well. Fun times with the Big Guy.

Dad, thank You, thank You, thank You for Your provision

and teaching me that I am NOT in control.

{sigh} I have a hard time with that area.

Please help me to trust You more.

I love You.

So be it.

First movie in two months

It's weird how long I went without watching one.

Back home I probably watched about 5 a week.

huh.

Anyway, we went as a group to go see Prince Caspian. We kind of took over the theatre. It was awesome.

And the movie was awesome, too. It's amazing how every time I watch/read any of the Narnia series I see a new parallel to the story of Christ (or our lives in Him).

They could have done just fine to not put in the stupid romance side-plot, but oh well.

You should go see it, if You haven't already. It's worth it. :)

Dad, 

thank You for stories that lift the heart

and speak of You. 

You rock.

I love You.

So be it.

Lots of stuff and nothing at all

It's been a busy few days full of not-so-fun revelation but not much else. And our wireless router that we bum off of the neighbors has been iffy at best . . . so it's not been encouraging me to blog.

Anyhoo. . .

The not-so-fun revelations have been as follows:

1) I have an issue with spiritual pride

2) I, if given the opportunity, still desire my old ways . . . I still desire instant gratification instead of waiting and tarrying on the Lord

3) I get offended rather quickly about the ways God chooses to reveal himself to people. It doesn't fit within my "God-box" and so I don't like it.

Bleagh. yuck. I don't like these kind of weeks. I know they are good, but still, bleagh.

Dad, please help me with these areas

Give me the grace to be humble, 

and the desire to choose Your ways,

even when it doesn't seem like "fun",

and please help me to not be offended

when I see how You show Yourself to others.

Help me to love You and see You as You are.

I love You. Help me to love You more.

So be it.

A Note to all who read

After a phone conversation with a friend today, I feel I must clarify a few things . . . just to 1) alleviate concern and 2) discourage blind acceptance based on my opinion.

I understand that many of the topics I've been talking about over the past few weeks have been a bit out of my realm of experience and scriptural upbringing (and out of some of yours as well, I take it).

Don't think that I am not struggling with some of these things, and just accepting them blindly as just the coolest new idea to come around. I have been wrestling with them, and turning to scripture to provide the proper context for them. And one of the things I really appreciate about the staff here is that they encourage extensive personal Bible study time. . . and every teaching comes almost straight from scripture . . . if not, then greatly supported by a usually long list of scriptural references. One of the other things that reassures me is that everything revolves around a Sermon on the Mount lifestyle. . . a lifestyle of holiness. It is not about any one person, or getting rich (just look at the leader, Mike Bickle, who lives extremely simply, even after 30 years in the same ministry that sometimes brings in a lot of money).

That being said, people can make mistakes or be led astray. I understand this. But beyond anything else I see in Scripture, I see that God loves me. I also believe God lives inside me and gives me increasingly more discernment as I walk with Him, in the person of the Holy Spirit. If I can't trust in that, than I certainly can't trust in the Bible. 

And while everyone screams at me for a second . . .

If the Bible was written under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, through men's hands . . . how different is that than the Holy Spirit that lives inside of me? Simple . . . it isn't. But since I trust in both, than the test is that the Spirit inside of me agrees with Spirit-breathed Scripture.

It is true, though, that man is fallible.

So, my second point. Please, please, please do not change your opinion on anything based on my opinion. I am endeavoring to listen to the Spirit and Scripture in all things . . . but I might fail. In other words, don't believe me simply because you know me and think that if I believe it, it must be true . . .

Hence . . . 

ALWAYS COMPARE WHAT I SAY WITH SCRIPTURE.

If it doesn't agree . . . let what I say fall to the ground. If it does . . . Amen. 

But . . . .

ALWAYS COMPARE WHAT YOU THINK WITH SCRIPTURE

You also are human. You also are fallible. You may be wrong. You may have been taught wrong. You may have mis-interpreted Scripture. There is enough differences of opinion around the earth about just about everything in the Bible that you can say with almost 100% accuracy that everyone has something wrong.

Scripture is the litmus test for all. No doubt.

Scripture is not, however, a way to justify what you already have preconceived in your head.

This is just as much for me as it is for anyone, by the way . . .

What it boils down to for me, though, is that I have to trust God. I have to trust that He loves me. I have to trust that He wants me to understand Him. I have to trust that He sent the Holy Spirit to live inside of me to partially, at least, help me with understanding Him. In simpler terms . . . I have to trust that God is a way better leader than I am a follower. If I am earnestly seeking after Him in the ways I see outlined in Scripture (prayer, Bible Study, fasting, receiving godly wisdom), than He will not leave me or forsake me. That He will lead me. That He will shepherd me.

I have to trust in God. It's the only thing I really have.

I think the Bible calls that faith. I could be wrong, though.

Dad, I earnestly want Your truth.

I want to know You for who You really are.

Help me to know Your Word.

Help me to hear the Spirit.

Help me not to be deceived.

I know You love me, and if I ask for bread,

You won't give me a stone.

So, please, give me

(and all those on this journey with me)

wisdom and understanding.

Thank You, Dad.

I love You.

So be it.

Proper Context

OK, I feel I must put my previous post in it's proper context, so as not to place undue emphasis on things.

1) Works are not the object . . . pursuing God (in Jesus) through faith is the object

2) Pursuit of perfection is the method (sermon on the mount)

3) The result of faith in God as pursued by sermon on the mount lifestyle is shown through works.

Healing

So we've had an incredible focus the last several days on God pouring out healing on His people. . . the IHOP family specifically, but also Christians in general.

It's kind of weird. I had a kind of Psalm 77 moment with God last night. We were focusing all six hours of the Nightwatch on praying for God to pour out healing (usually we do 2 hours of intercession, 2 hours of "worship with the Word", and then 2 more hours of intercession). At the very end of the night, about 5:45 or so, it was getting crazy intense. They asked for people in the room to stand if they needed healing, and I was praying with several other people around someone. . . and nothing was happening.

I started getting furious! God had promised us the power of the Holy Spirit living within us. I've seen documentaries on churches all over the world that have the power to heal people, even raising people from the dead on regular occasions. . . why the crap wasn't He listening to us . . . to me?! Where were his promises . . . did He just not like me?! He'd said that He was a good Father, that He gives good gifts . . . that if His children came to Him and asked Him for bread, He wouldn't give them a stone, or if they asked for fish, He wouldn't give them a snake. He said we just have to ask, and He would give us good gifts! Why isn't He being faithful to His promises?!

So . . . yeah . . . You might think that I'm a horrible person . . . but I actually kind of felt God's pleasure . . . sort of . . . I stepped over the line a bit, and definitely repented . . . but He was pleased that I was fervently pursuing it. . . that I wanted it so bad that I was angry and passionate about not having it. I could almost hear Him saying to me, "Good! That's what I'm looking for! Keep coming after Me! How bad do you want it?"

We seriously should have this . . . it should be Christianity 101. People in our bodies should NOT be living  in pain or illness. We find it so easy to believe that God can fix our souls, but not our bodies. What's wrong here!?

{sigh}

Then tonight . . . {giggle} . . . a young girl from the IHOP family (her parents were previously missionaries to Ecuador and Mexico) gave her testimony of her recent healing. I'll try and give the short version here . . .

For the last several months, she has been living in ridiculous amounts of pain. Her body has basically been eating itself up. It started with Hepatitis C, which she got in Ecuador as a child. Then it got compounded by something else, and her thyroid gave out, last year sometime. From there, everything else started failing, liver, lungs, etc. They had tried everything medically possible, and a bunch of people had prayed over her, to no avail. All the doctors were confused . . . they had no clue why it was happening. 

So then this revival healing meeting started breaking out in Lakeland, Florida last month . . . her parents had thought about going, but they were afraid to get her hopes up once again only for it not to work. Then  someone offered to pay for their way there. So they decided to go. Through a serious of things, they ended up being the last ones allowed in the building (thousands are coming each day - they are meeting in a baseball stadium), and the girl gets carried up to the platform by strangers, because her mom kind of freezes. In any case, the girl gets knocked out by the spirit when the main leader, Todd Bentley, prays over her, and she's out for 20-40 minutes, in which she has a vision where she's in an operating room, and Jesus is over her like an anesthesiologist just telling her to look into His eyes, and angels are working on her organs, repairing her. She wakes up, and she has absolutely no pain. She's perfectly healthy. 

And this is happening every night down there. But this is someone everyone here knows about, and has been praying for. Someone we knew was sick. Someone we can tell is well.

It's crazy. Actually it's not. We're crazy. This is normal Christianity.

My brain is so scrambled on this subject . . . not in a confused way, just trying to figure out what God is trying to tell me about it . . . . I could keep rambling on for hours about it . . . but I won't. :) At least I'll try not to.

Anyway, if You want to see some crazy stuff, check up on the Lakeland Revival and Todd Bentley, and if you want to get messed up, see if you can get ahold of the documentary "Finger of God" by Darren Wilson. A link to the preview for it is here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ljVKul8das.

Oh, and I'm fairly certain some of you are going to read this and think "Kris has now been brainwashed" or "Kris has gotten all IHOPPY" or "Kris is on crack" or even "Kris is now delving into heresy".

I humbly implore you to look at 3 very important facts from Scripture:  1) Jesus healed EVERYONE He came into contact with (many passages in Luke) . . . 2) If we truly are of and in real belief of Jesus as Saviour, we now have the living breathing Holy Spirit of God (a real part/personality of God) living inside of us . . . 3) Jesus said "you will do greater works than these" (John 14:12) . . . (ok 4) . . . 4) in all of Acts, no disciple ever actually did "greater works than these" . . . so that's still yet to come . . . so we should be able to do everything Jesus did right now.

And here I said I wasn't going to keep going on about this. {sigh}

OK, I'm done. 

Seriously.

Dad, . . . I'm almost shaking right now because I can't contain it.

Your people (me included) are so impotent.

We have a form of godliness but deny it's power.

. . .

OK, I just looked that one up (II Timothy 3:1-9), and that was a smack in the face.

. . .

Anyway, I love You!

Please help me to operate in Your fullness!

Fill me with all that You have for me!

Let Your perfect will be done in my life!

I love You . . . help me love You more!

So be it.

Feelings of Inadequacy Unite!

So I got to play acoustic tonight from 4am-6am . . . it was a lot of fun, and I did pretty good (at least, I think so). 

Beforehand, though, I was definitely fighting feelings of inadequacy.

I was filling in for probably the best acoustic player I've seen in a long time (no offense to all my friends who play acoustic really well) . . . Cassie Campell. She's basically awesome at everything she does, which includes playing acoustic, playing bass in the best band on campus, playing drums, and leading worship.

Yeah.

Apparently I did pretty good, since they turned me up in the mix (which I rarely hear the guitar in any mix here) and the band said I did good . . . and people tend to not lie here . . . at least not that much . . . The electric player said he reminded me of the good porridge goldilocks found . . . "not too hot and not too cold" as in I had good rhythm and picking skills. . . I wasn't too "lead" oriented or too "rhythm only" oriented. That was encouraging.

So, yeah. I still feel inadequate.

Yeah.

Dad, thanks for humbling experiences :)

Help me not to be too hard on myself.

And be able to take compliments.

And be confident in what abilities You have given me.

Thank You once again to be able to play music to worship You with.

You rock.

No, seriously. You rock.

I love You.

So be it.

Tired

It's been rather strange lately . . . I'll get 8 hours of sleep, but I'm always so tired.

I just don't want to get up.

Blah.

Nothing else really interesting as of right now . . . other than yesterday's trip to Buffalo Wild Wings!!! wooo!!!

Ok, so that's interesting to me . . .

You have no idea how much I've missed my precious boneless wings smothered in Mango Habanero and/or Parmesan Garlic Sauce, and my delightful Potato Wedges all smothered in cheddar cheese, and everything dipped in Ranch Sauce.

Oh the joy. It was sincerely a blessing from God.

It was also interesting how weird it was to be back in crazy, busy, TV-oriented American society. It was seriously crazy how we all noticed that we don't really talk to each other, we just end up looking at all the TVs that are placed every 10 degrees around the room. Oh well.

Dad, please help me not be so tired.

Thank You for B-Dubs and

the wonderful food they make . . .

even if they do have too many TVs.

You rock.

So be it.

Runnin' Sound

I got to mix a band tonight (at the JPR, which isn't the one that streams on the internet). It's a lot harder than it looks.

No 1 hour sound check like I'm used to.

It's "get 'em on stage and turn 'em up" . . . "and hope they sound good" . . . "try and fix it if they don't" . . .

Yeah. fun times. I get to do it again tomorrow. For those that know such things (J-mac), it was a Yamaha M3000A. For those that don't . . . it's a big board. It's also old. But it still sounds pretty good. I'm actually still just "in training", but the guy let me mix a good portion of a 2-hour set. It was cool.

So yeah, that was fun. I only have yet to play keys sometime. Hopefully I'll get to.

All right . . . brain not functioning . . . need sleep and food . . .

Dad, thank You for yet again

another opportunity to serve

and use the talents You've given and grown in me.

Help me to use them well.

I love You.

So be it.

3 hours with Stuart Greeves

Only a few of you will recognize his name, but this man blows my mind every time he talks.

He's the Director of the Nightwatch here (12am-6am), and he's got a knowledge of scripture that constantly amazes me.

We typically have "Connection Time" for an hour every Sunday night . . . we had it for three hours tonight. 

Whew.

I'm beat.

As usual, he blew my mind. On several issues. With scriptural backdrop.

1) The importance of a correct end-time view as taught by Jesus and the apostles.

2) How very ridiculous and ungodly self-expression is (specifically related to art and music)

3) As far as weird spiritual manifestations (slayings in the spirit, etc)

a) They are real

b) Everyone reacts differently to the Spirit - it is controllable (the spirit of the prophet is subject to the prophet)

c) Basically it's a bodily response to the Spirit - much like electricity

4) Evil is essentially pride - it is saying my idea of things is better than God's

a) sub note - immorality is the desire to worship the creature rather than the creator

whew.

Dad, help me to sleep. This stuff is boggling my mind.

Help me to be faithful with the revelation that You have been giving me.

Lead me, Lord, and I will follow.

Thank You so much for everything You have lead me through already.

I love You.

So be it.

Gold Dust

Now I know this will be a weird one for most of you . . .

Gold dust . . .

appearing out of nowhere . . .

on people . . .

It happened to me . . .

I'm not joking.

It's not some sort of trick farce thing. People start praying really hard, and sometimes things happen. Apparently this happens all over the place. No one really knows why, and there's no scripture to support it, but, there's nothing that says God doesn't do stuff like this. Apparently gemstones that no one can identify have been appearing, too, as well as manna. Basically dropping into people's hands and/or bibles.

OK, pause for a moment . . . they were just praying for it again, and the prayed for me, didn't touch my hands, and I had them again. They kind of fade away after a minute.

It's weird, I'm not gonna lie. Cool, but weird.

Incidentally, I got to play acoustic again tonight (4-6am). It was a fun set. I sang yesterday from 2-4pm.

Dad, You do some really strange things.

I suppose they aren't strange to You,

but they are to me.

Help me to see You for who You are,

and not get caught up in fake things,

but also help me to not reject them if they are of You.

I love You.

So be it.

Ok . . . so . . . yeah

It's been getting incredibly difficult to get these written the last several days, since things keep happening.

By things I mean weird things. 

Two nights ago, we were praying for one of the guys before bed, and another one of them fell down and started laughing straight for about 1 1/2 hours, and couldn't get up, and we couldn't even pick him up.

Then last night, another roommate had a vision, and then a manifestation of a spiritual stronghold/demon of fear, that another roommate basically exorcised with the other two of us praying around him. This also ended with the roommate that manifested it basically frozen (this time in peace as opposed to joy) on his bed.

So these things have kept me busy at night.

Not that they are bad.

Just weird, in my church-ianity perspective.

As I'm kind of discovering . . . these things should probably be normal in walk with Christ. As well as ridiculous healings, crazy faith acts, and raising people from the dead.

You may think I'm joking, or that I'm going crazy. . . but I'm not. Jesus said that we would do "greater things than these". The book of Acts does not record anything greater than what Jesus did. What happened?

I don't know. Food for thought.

Dad, I love you. You are in control.

You are rocking my paradigms right now.

I am most definitely not comfortable

And yet I know that does not mean it's wrong, or not of You.

I see You in these things even though

I don't understand them.

Please pour Your Spirit out on me in full measure.

Let me know more of You.

Let me see You for who You really are.

I love You.

So be it.

Global Day of Prayer

So everything's kinda cancelled for today, since we're all going to participate in the city-wide gathering for the global day of prayer. 

So it should be interesting. . . the general feeling is that what's going on at the Lakeland revival in Florida may spread to KC today. It may all break loose.

Crazy. Cool.

Yeah.

I'm stoked. I'm ready for it. Bring it on.

Dad, let You kingdom be manifest here today.

Rend the heavens and come down today.

Let signs and wonders be done by Your servants

For the glory of Your name alone.

Thank You, even if You choose not to loose it today.

I Love You.

So be it.