I wonder if I'll sleep tonight?
I'm seriously not trying to be melodramatic about this whole thing . . . but I have a real sense that tomorrow starts something big for me . . . something that won't be easy, but it will be worth it in the end. It's the beginning of a whole new chapter of my life. I would say . . . Chapter 6.
Chapter 1: birth through 1st grade (the innocent kid years)You know that feeling you have before the first day of school? This is crazily worse than that. (Worse may be the wrong word(s) . . . maybe "more intense"??) It's not a bad feeling, at least not entirely. It's part dread/part excitement/part destiny (that's right, I said "destiny"). It's a sense of, "o crap, here it comes" right before the wave hits. It's that weird adrenaline-rush-thing that happens when you're falling or about to crash when everything slows down and you can see everything really clearly for that split second before you hit . . .
Chapter 2: 2nd grade - 7th grade (the "I'm arrogant and legalistic" years)
Chapter 3: 8th grade - high school (the "Now I'm in public school, so I'm going to be bad, arrogant, and legalistic" years)
Chapter 4: The stupidest mistake of my life (My Selfishness)
Chapter 5: The aftermath of the stupidest mistake of my life (My Awakening)
I don't know. Maybe I'll sleep fine. Maybe nothing dramatic will happen in my life. Maybe it will be just a time of rest and reflection for me. A time to let the creative juices recharge. A time to grow closer to God and know Him more (that can never be bad).
Dad, whatever You have for me;
whatever You have planned,
whether ultimate humility,
whether out-in-front leadership,
let it be done in Your will, and Yours alone.
It seems that You have led me here;
slightly against my will, I'll admit.
But I hand it over right now.
Whatever You have for me, I want.
My ideas are unimportant;
Yours are all-important.
I am Your servant;
Do what You will.
Replace my will with Yours.
So be it.
1 comment:
When I grow up, I want to be just like you! I'm humbled to be your pastor. The raw truth of what you wrote in this post is the place that our Daddy God is calling all of us. Oh sure, there will always be more to learn and deeper places to go in Him, but this is it...coming to the place where we say, "Whatever You want to do with me and however You want to do it, here I am!" Wow! You encourage me. Love you, man!
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