Feeling better about things . . . and yet . . .

So, I'm starting to loosen up a bit about some things . . . after hearing where they are coming from, it makes more sense, and it's kinda satisfied at least some of my theological problems with what they do . . .

 . . . some . . .

I'm, unfortunately, feeling a bit froggy about stuff right now . . . which probably isn't good, but sometimes things catch me by surprise and my defenses go up and I start to really analyze everything . . .

Like, just a minute ago, my "core leaders" came over to our apartment to pray for us before we went to bed . . . which is all well and good . . . but they wanted to pray that we would all have dreams and visions tonight. They then asked everyone what their dreams have been, and called almost every one of them "prophetic" . . .

. . . now, I completely believe in God's ability and desire to give people dreams . . . I've had several at different times in my life that I woke up and almost certainly knew they were from God . . . but it's almost like we're trying to force God's "vision" role into dreams that may or may not have anything to do with anything other than pizza for dinner, or a stressful day that overflows into our sleep.

I don't know . . . when they were praying for us, my prayer was honestly . . . "God, I don't know if I really want dreams. I don't see why I have to have a vision or dream to have You speak to me."

I don't really like my attitude in that, I'll be honest . . . 'cause I'm assuming you didn't either when you read it . . . whoever you are.

I just don't like throwing away intelligence . . . and sometimes it seems like they do here. God gave us a certain sense of the practical.

I don't know . . .

Dad, Honestly, I don't know that I want to have visions

I don't think it's because I don't want to hear from You

I really think it's because . . . well, I don't want them to be right . . .

sadly enough . . .

I can't see just letting go of my analytical mind

I know there is mystery to You

I know there are things and manifestations of You

that don't necessarily fit in my box I've sorta tried to stuff You in

But some things just seem ridiculous

Help to discern what is Your Truth

Give me Wisdom and Understanding

And an un-judgmental spirit

I'm sorry for my arrogance

If You want me to experience You this way . . .

well . . . OK . . . I think I can take it.

But I won't like it . . .

Just kidding. . .

I probably won't, but help me to overcome it.

Thank You for Your patience with me.

I love You.

So be it.