It's been awhile

Because I realize how long it's been since I've made an update . . . (for those of you that read this. :) ) . . . I have decided to do two posts at once. The previous post is one I wrote for a little thing called the Paradigm Exchange (www.theparadigmexchange.com), something a good friend of mine started, and has asked me to write for. My story hasn't been posted yet (as of the date of this blog), but I pretty much assume that there will not be that much overlap between the readership of said two sites.

As for me, lots has been happening . . . as some of you will already have known, I have left Abundant Harvest Community Church in Brownfield, TX. This is a good thing. A God thing. They actually sent me off with prayer and a gift card to Guitar Center (the prayer being the obviously more important and meaningful than the card, although it in itself, is very much appreciated {grin}). It was not an easy decision to make, but one in which I believe God was leading me. It's hard to leave behind a place and a people you love to serve. But God is leading all of us from that body into a place of deeper trust, I think . . . and who am I to argue?

So . . . yeah . . . now I am jobless and churchless (so to speak . . . it's not exactly accurate but we'll go with it). Who's having to trust on God?

{raising hand and waving} ooo, ooo, I am! I am!

And is He ever faithful? He is indeed. I lack nothing. My freelance business is not exactly "booming", but I always have enough to get by. I've done several small jobs lately, and several more are on my plate.

Speakin' o' which, if you have any friends/family/neighbors/acquaintances/enemies that need Web sites, videos, audio recording, print design, etc. done. . . have 'em shoot me an email. (kris@filament-productions.com)

Musically speaking, I'm extremely proud and thankful to announce that we've finally finished my 4-song EP. After 3-5 years of some of these songs being concepts/demos . . . we have them in finished, studio-recorded (well, home-studio), production-filled form. It (the EP) sounds pretty much fantastic, and I would love for you (yes, YOU) to hear it. Unfortunately, it does actually cost me to produce CD's, so if you would like a CD in a sleeve, they are $5. Let me know, and I can shoot one your way. {cheese} I'm also selling them digitally on our myspace page (www.myspace.com/xhristosphoreoband  - right underneath the music player) for $.99 per song or $3.96 for the whole EP. Also, just for kicks, you should check out our main site (which really only links to our myspace) - www.xhristosphoreo.com. It's not for the faint of bandwidth, but it looks freakin' cool. And if anyone (hint, hint) wants to have my band come play at their church (or anything else for that matter), we would love to. And by "we", I mean, "at least me, and possibly one other person, but probably not a full band." It's very hard to find musicians that will work for free. {sigh}

Please pardon the previous two (or six, depending on how you look at it) shameless plugs in this blog.

I've also enjoyed playing this summer with the Dallas Stevens Band (www.dallasstevensband.com and www.myspace.com/dallasstevensband). I play keys with them, and have a rockin' good time. We've played quite a bit the past several months and have a few more gigs this year. I will also soon be joining the ranks of another friend's band, called Faces for Radio (www.myspace.com/facesforradiomusic) Self-deprecating title aside, it should be fun.

Let's see . . . what else . . . no girls, unfortunately . . . I'm not sure it's time yet. Of course, I actually have to talk to a girl to see. . . but that's another story.

I have a lunch "interview" with a pastor this week in Lubbock about possibly filling their Worship Leader position. We'll see if that's something God wants to work out or not. I'm not sold on it either way. I'm still trying to figure out where God wants me.

Ummm . . . yeah, that pretty much sums up my life right now. 

Dad, You are good!!

You honor those that trust in You.

Thank You so much for allowing the EP to be done.

I'm so excited and I just can't hide it
I'm about to lose control and I think I like it
I'm so excited and I just can't hide it
And I know I know I know I know I know I want You.

Sorry for the random song quote. . . but it fit.

Please lead me in the way of Your will.

Let me not get caught up in my own.

Thank You for Your leadership.

Thank You for Your provision.

You are so good!

I love You, Dad.

So be it.

(in)Significant

In early August, this year, I was privileged to be able to make a trip to Quito, Ecuador with a group of people from my mom's church. They go down every year to help one of several churches that need construction done on their church buildings. You know, the typical church mission trip that makes people think they've really made a difference, when they only really show up for a week, barely get to know anyone (if at all . . . after all, there is the whole language barrier thing), do the tourist thing for a few days, live in comparative luxury to the people they are "helping", and then return home to their cushy lives in America.

At least, that was my impression of most church "mission trips". I'll admit, it's not a very polite or nice or flattering way of thinking about them, especially when most people who go on them really have the best of intentions. And they had gone, and I hadn't. But, now that I've experienced it, it's really kind of what goes on.

In any case, when it was offered that my way would be payed, I jumped at the opportunity, since those sort of trips are all but completely out of my meager salary's reach.

Side Note: I'm aware that I'm showing a bit of my two-faced nature here . . . obviously holding these trips in disdain for the most part, and yet jumping at the opportunity to go if my way is paid. But hey, it's true. Maybe not good, but true.

Now, at this point I could glowingly expound upon the typical "it changed my life" spiel . . . but I won't, 'cause it didn't.

Well, maybe a bit.

Everyone kept telling me that it would be an eye-opening experience, that it would change my view of the world, to really see poverty that close and all that. And, no doubt, I was constantly amazed at the level of it surrounding us as we traveled, and how the people didn't really seem to mind too terribly much that they were that poor. They actually seemed much happier than most Americans, strangely enough.

But it wasn't like this huge realization came over me in this profound way or a light bulb went off in my head, or any other analogy for enlightenment that you can think of. A couple of former missionaries that came with us made comments at the beginning of the trip asking me if it was "sinking in" yet and such things. It never really did. I just knew I was in another country, and simply accepted it. I didn't feel called to give up my life of luxury in the US and sell everything and move to a third-world country. If anything, I felt that I was supposed to actually enjoy the blessings God has given me here.

The only thing that nagged at me was something I started thinking about on the way home. And that was this: I had been visiting a city of 1.5 million people approximately 2800 miles away from where I lived.

That may not have sunk in with you like it did with me. Of course, my trains of thought can tend to jump the tracks now and again.

Here's how it kind of went:
I was in a city of 1.5 million people.
It's a long ways away from where I live.
It's a small country.
There's lots of other countries in the world.
With lots of cities.
With lots of people.

I am insignificant.

And there it is. I am insignificant. I realized that all the things that I think are important in my life . . . movies, eating out all the time, spending time with my friends, making enough money to do the aforementioned things, writing music, volunteering at my church . . . they mean pretty much nothing, in the grand scheme of things.

There is a whole world of people that live their lives from day to day, not knowing me, not caring about me, completely oblivious to my existence . . . only really thinking about the same basic things I am . . . what it's going to take to get through today and keep on living.

Kind of depressing, no?

But then I remembered the little gem of Psalm 139:13:

For you created my inmost being;

you knit me together in my mother's womb.

Suddenly, I am significant. For the God of creation, who sees the world as it is now and as it has been, with every person of every nation living throughout all of history . . . personally put me together inside my mom.

So . . . I am significant . . . and yet, insignificant. When I think of this, a profound wave of humility sweeps over me. God thinks me important enough to "knit me together" Himself, and yet he thinks everyone important enough to do the same for them.
Who am I, then, to treat anyone, anywhere as anything less than God's personal favorite? For they, like me, are (in)Significant.

Recording / Something else

So we've been recording a guy named Justin Blake (a friend of Brett's) at our house today. He's finishing up a full record that we did several tracks for about six months ago. It's been really fun and good. He actually brought a grand piano into our living room to record it.

Yeah, that's right.

Of course, he's a professional piano restorer/tuner/mover . . . so he knows how to do such things. The piano he brought in has a gorgeous sound to it. I always forget how it feels to play on a real piano . . . especially one that has great action. This particular one is 100 years old, but looks like it could be almost new. It still has the original ivory keys and everything.

It was a beast to mic up right, but once we got it, it sounds awesome. He wanted me to play on one of the songs, and it was really cool to hear it in the studio monitors. It sounded goooooood.

And Justin and I got to talk for a while too, about my time at IHOP, and the common thread of themes that are popping up all around the world (but especially in America) about a re-revelation of both the holiness of God and his desire/requirement for us to be holy, and the absolute passion and intense love that He has for us.

There seems to be a sub-current of people within the church who look at the "body of Christ" and say "there has to be something more". It's not a judgmental thing. We are no better than anyone else, but merely an opening of eyes to see the truth that is written in God's Word, and actually believing it means what it says.

I don't know. It just seems to me that God's doing something in the church. Maybe He's preparing us for something. Something bigger than your average cookie-cutter, smile-and-nod, feel-good, hell-fire-and-damnation, country-club-ish, snake-bitin', seeker-sensitive, post-modern, relativistic, or whatever brand of church this country breeds that picks one thing out of the Bible and over-emphasizes it and forgets about everything else. (I personally enjoy the country-club church. . . it's nice and comfortable, and you have expensive toys to play with)

Maybe He's preparing us for something big. I mean BIG. Something like an old-time revival. I'm talkin' Book of Acts style. The problem/blessing of those kind of revivals are . . . they don't come without persecution. Or being in the midst of it.

Or maybe it's the latest Christian fad. We do have those, after all. WWJD, anyone?

But I don't think so. I think God is calling all of those of His disciples that want more of Him. That truly desire to be men/women after His heart . . . to seek only for the joy that comes from knowing Christ . . . "to know the love of Christ that passes knowledge", as it were.

Lord, let it be.

Dad, I love You!
You are so good to me.
I don't even have any idea what that means,
but I know it's true.
You are truly good to all.
And You LOVE ME.
I can't even fathom it.
Not dispassionate, sterile, cold, analytical love.
But PASSIONATE, FIERY, ZEALOUS, JEALOUS, AWE-STRIKING, HOT-AS-LAVA, COLD-AS-ICE, BEYOND LIMITATION, INFINITELY POWERFUL, STRONGER THAN DEATH LOVE!!!
Even as I write the words I don't understand.
But I want to.
And I want to love You more,
even if it is infinitely smaller
in comparison to Your love for me.
Dad, let it be! Let it be!
Let it be that I am found only in You!
That who I am is lost and is only found in Christ.
That I become worthy of my name.
Thank You, Dad.
You are so good to me.
I love You!
So Be it.

4th on Broadway

So I got to help with running sound for one of the tents during Lubbock's annual free "4th on Broadway" celebration. It was fun. Dolf, the drummer for the Dallas Stevens Band, also is a partner in Runway Productions, which does small venue sound reinforcement.

So anyway, he asked me to help him. It was fun. We were on the "eclectic" stage . . . which is the stage that gets the acts that don't fit in any of the other stages (country, rock, tejano, etc). So we had a wide gamut of jazz, experimental acoustic, singer-songwriter, funk, soul/blues, etc. It was pretty cool. We had to be there at about 7AM, and by the time we finally loaded everything into our trailer it was about 5PM . . . then we had to go unload the trailer.

Then, 'cause I didn't feel like going home, and there were still more festivities for the "4th on Broadway" . . . the BIG show down at the park . . . I call up my roommate Justin to go find him at the park. He'd been setting up this show since Monday (He organized the whole thing, too, since he's the production boss guy at Miller Pro Audio), and it was pretty impressive. He let me have a backstage pass and I hung out with him and the Miller Pro crew either at the Front-of-House area or backstage at "Moniter-World" the whole time.

The show was . . . . interesting. The singers and musicians were all very talented . . . but everything seemed to lack any substance. It was all fluff.

Oh well.

So then, after the fireworks show at the very end, they needed to tear down and load out all of the audio and lighting because it needed to be on its way to Austin the net morning. I didn't feel like fighting the masses to leave (there were probably about 8,000 people there) . . . so I decide to help. 

Wow. I had never seen such a mass of power, lighting and audio cables. It was impressive.

It took us about 2 1/2 hours to wind up all the cables. There had to have been 30 or more people working.  Then we had to load up everything in the trucks.

So Justin and I got home around 3AM. It was a long day . . . but fun. 

Forging our own trail

So Dallas (the frontman and namesake of the Dallas Stevens Band) and I made a fun little trip tonight. We just had one of the most fun (albeit sloppy) sets we've had since I've played with them, and it was really a tiring set.

Then, since we can't get cell phone coverage in the camp, we all decided to take a hike. Apparently, if you go up a certain trail, a little way up you can get spotty cell phone coverage. They neglected to mention that AT&T doesn't really work. So Dallas and I made the trip all the way to the top, thinking maybe, just maybe, we'd be able to get some coverage. 

We were mistaken.

Ah well. It was a nice view. . . the stars were really cool in between all the clouds. . . I could almost forget the burning in my lungs that told me how out-of-shape I am.

Then, we decided to head down, except down the other trail (there were apparently two trails that led up there. 

Yeah. We couldn't find it.

It was dark.

So we made our own trail. It was fun. 

First day of camp

So, leaving IHOP has come and gone, and Curtis is now blissfully married.

So, it's time for camp. I'm in Sacramento, NM this week playing keys in the Dallas Stevens Band as we lead worship.

It's fun . . . but I'm really really really tired.

I've actually been drifting off as I write this. So, yeah, sleepy time.

It begins . . .

Tonight's the last night with one of the guys in our apartment. Josh is going back to Lousiana tomorrow, and it's really starting to hit me that I'll be home in just a few days.

I didn't really think that it would be that big of a deal, but it's crazy how much I'm really going to miss these guys. For 7 guys to live in a small apartment together for 3 months, you really have two choices, fight or become best friends. Then, add that to "relational wholeness"(crying in front of each other), and you take it up a notch.

So it's going to be hard. I honestly was pretty broken up about it tonight in the prayer room. These guys know me in some ways better than anyone, strangely enough, and I know them in the same way. We've all grown a lot in the last 3 months. We've all grown together.

{sigh} Sentimentality. Poo.

Dad, I love You.

Help me to lean on You when things hurt.

Help me to know You are there when I need You.

Help me to know myself as "Kris whom Jesus loves."

Help me to know I am not really alone.

Thank You, Dad.

I love You.

So be it.