Last Day (and the unknown ahead)

So yesterday was my last day at St. Luke's Southwest in Lubbock. And I don't know what to think.

God as been leading me in a strange direction the past few months. In a direction I am definitely not comfortable in. A direction completely foreign to me. One in which church is not a "Jesus show" on Sunday mornings consisting of men on a platform performing for people sitting down below, whether in song or rhetoric, asking that the Spirit flow through our actions. No, He is leading me to a church that is 24-7, to one of every member functioning, of being their part of the body of Christ, of one in which no one person is a "movie star" but instead shines all light toward the glory of Christ . . . To a church that encourages each other to actually grow . . .

And yet, I see how God did chooses to work in our present American commercialized church paradigm . . . how He will use what we give Him, because of His grace . . . but for some reason, He gave me a glimpse of something so much better, so much deeper . . . and yet, I have no idea how to get there . . .

"Light my way

Open my eyes

Won't You go before me?"

-Dallas Stevens III

So, my last day. As a small group of people prayed for me after the service, I was at once touched and hurt by it . . . and I can't put my finger on exactly why it hurt . . . It wasn't pain at leaving, as callous as that sounds. I will miss a number of people there, but I know God was leading me away. No, it was a pain of something, maybe a recognition that it takes someone leaving for them to be prayed for. . . that this type of encouragement should be going on everyday for everyone . . .

I don't know. I have been plugged into the American church machine for so long, I don't really know what it looks like outside. I am almost afraid. I have no grid for real church. When I hear the word, "church", I still think of a building that people meet in every weekend to have a service where someone talks at you for up to an hour and we sing songs that are either devoid of life, or glorying in emotion. . .

Sorry, cynical Kris took over there for a minute . . .

So Lord, lead me home

Lead me to a place where I find You

Lead me to others who want You alone

Not a show

Not a power

Not a calling

Not a mission statement

Not a program

Not a well-turned phrase

Not a clever 3-point box

but You

and You alone.